Confession

 A piece of me has been sometimes envious of the Catholic practice of confession.  I don’t know too much about it, but Catholic friends have often regaled me with stories of confessions they made as a kid.  They didn’t really understand what they would have to confess, so they would make up things.  Or, they would keep track of very minor infractions and report every single one with great contrition.  I know that people are cynical about the idea that you confess your sins and then say a few “Hail Mary’s” and you’re on your way.  But I do like the idea of confessing.  In general, it usually feels good, though complicated, to confess the truth to someone or to yourself.  It seems to me it’s all about truth-telling.  Not in order to get an absolution or a punishment, but in order to have the weight of carrying guilt lifted even if slightly.  Not so much to be absolved, because only I can absolve myself.  But to merely let the light of day shine on a clearer truth.  The idea that this practice is institutionalized seems healthy to me.  Truth-telling without self-blame.  Truth telling to an anonymous “other”.

Couldn’t we all learn to act with the humility that comes from knowing we are finite, fragile, incomplete.  From knowing that we will all make mistakes, or be wrong, or hurt someone else.  It’s simply the truth of being human.  And the possibility of confession sort of means that we usually can get another chance.  And even if we mess up again, which we will, we can still belong.  We can be reminded that we are still part of the human circle.  Confession is not about being forgiven as much as it is about the opportunity to tell the truth and to hear it ourselves.  We have already given ourselves self-punishment.  To be able to say out loud to another our “sin”,  gives it breathing room.  Allows us to hear it from our own lips. 

Here's some advice from the poet Chelan Harkin;

TRY HUMAN

Forget perfection.

Go for messy, learning

tender, whole.

Forget brand new.

Embrace cracked,

broken open, worn,

rich with story.

Forget polished.

Choose rusted,

textured, nuanced, real.

Pease cease

this intimidating flawlessness

and become generous

in sharing your sacred wound.

Forget Divine –

try human.

~Chelan Harkin Susceptible to Light

Step Outside Tonight

I have a friend who told me of being at a retreat with the mystic, Jean Houston where the leader took everyone outdoors on a clear wintry night.  All the participants were standing in the cold within earshot of the conference center.  Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony boomed into the night air.  Jean invited the participants to “conduct the Ninth Symphony” imagining they were conducting the stars.  They were encouraged to assign to the stars the qualities they sensed they needed for their own life’s journey;  things like faith, honesty, playfulness, joy etc.  I can only imagine doing this… seems so powerful!

Then this morning I read Rilke’s poem. “Entrance” which I will copy at the end of this piece.  Both experiences seem to rely on the power of the outdoors to bring us closer to our own spirit… to find a way to listen deeply to what is inside us.  We are made by how we see the world.  It is too easy for me to forget or to resist going outdoors – especially at night, especially when it is cold.  And yet, I see the power in both of these described experiences – and I vow to overcome my resistance and to see what it’s like to conduct the stars, or to lift up a huge black tree and “put it in the heavens”…

ENTRANCE.  by Rainer Maria Rilke

Whoever you are:  step out of doors tonight,

Out of the room that lets you feel secure.

Infinity is open to your sight.

Whoever you are.

With eyes that have forgotten how to see

From viewing things already too well-known,

Lift up into the dark a huge, black tree

And put it in the heavens:  tall, alone.

And you have made the world and all you see.

It ripens like the words still in your mouth.

And when at last you comprehend its truth,

Then close your eyes and gently set it free.

Do You Have A "Light Secret"?

I recently read this post  from Rob Walker in “The Art of Noticing”.  Please click HERE to go to his Substack column.  I recommend his weekly posts!

DO YOU HAVE A LIGHT SECRET? from Rob Walker Substack

Recently I read a great, strange, entertaining short story, “Light Secrets,”¹by Joseph O’Neill. I read fiction for fun, not in order to find TAoN-friendly ideas. But the notion of the “light secret” jumped out as a delightful, and I think useful, concept. So I’m sharing it with you here. 

Here’s how it comes up in the story (for our purposes, context and character details can be set aside): 

P. says, “Everybody’s got something to hide. Everybody.” He wears his usual gloomy face. With no lessening of the gloom, he says, “But you know what else is true? Everybody’s done something good that’s hidden—the opposite of a dark secret.”

“A light secret,” I suggest.

“Precisely,” P. says.

“Like an anonymous donation?”

P. shrugs. “It could be a lot more interesting than that.”...

This also reminds me (Penny) of the idea of a “bright Shadow”.  This happens when we are extraordinarily attracted to someone – not physically, but emotionally.  We admire them.  We admire all that they do and how they are in the world.  They seem so special, so talented, so gracious etc.etc.  Sometimes, it is possible that this person is representing to you, something of yourself that you don’t quite “own”.  It could be a characteristic or trait that you greatly admire.  And perhaps the reason you admire it, is because you long to have that trait yourself and on some level you know that you do have it – and this other person is showing that to you. 

So I pose the  question to you – do you have someone who is a “bright shadow” for you?  Do you have a “light secret”.  Time to let those things loose into the world!!